Angel a growing  new born gnostic, raises family issues and connects her current sitation to the  ancient Nag Hamadi scrolls, discovered in 1945.  



From steve trueblue at TBH  Leadline   In the beginning of LG there is much elation and joy that amounts to almost overstimulation... followed by absences.... full text beneath this letter from Angel
Jan 22 (1 day ago)
Note Angel is a serious student of the gnostic Dead Sea scrolls and the Hag Hammadi scrolls. Hence her references to Pleroma and Jehovah etc Metaphorical handles.

Angel Frye to me show details 1:13 PM (4 hours ago)

Bless you, Steve. I KNEW there was a reason why you chose to contact me when you did. I needed to hear what you had to say about the post-honeymoon depression. I've been clawing at my brain trying to figure out a few verses (ancient gnostic verses)  the past few weeks and never got anywhere with them until you said: "Yet its done for a reason. Its to emphasise that you have your own life to lead here in the physical. Its also part of the rebirth process rather like mummy leaving the baby alone for a while and closing the bedroom door. Baby has to learn to be content, alone." The verse is in ... some Nag Hamadi. Scroll book... Can't recall which one. Probably John. Then again a few of the books are quite repetitive. The verse was, "There will be some days when you cannot find me." Jesus spoke this. For all my ignorance in the beginning I thought, "That doesn't make a darn bit of sense. What do you mean I won't be able to find him?! I always feel him." But then as weeks passed and began on my "Work" I did notice a gradually closing of the bedroom door. But here's the thing: He's got a drafty door. It's not on accident. Not at all. He designed it. He meant it to be drafty. Even when the door is closed and he's giving you space to move on your own you always know and feel that he's there. A tiny portion of your immortal spark recognizes that it's not alone and can peek at that light shining under the bedroom door for reassurance. But rudely yanking the door open isn't going to be allowed to happen, either. Which is a real aggravation-- for the infant.
Recognizing I am still an infant is not as demoralizing as I thought it would be. *smile* Makes me feel a bit more coddled, actually. This adventure is exciting!! After realizing how well your explanation answered my query about the verse, I then had to sit down and really quantify what this depression is that I feel in contrast with the irritating alone-time I was being given. They are distinctly different emotions and experiences. The closest I can come to explaining this second emotion is say, "look to the Cathars." The Cathars are the gnostics I find myself identifying with moreso than other groups. There are a few points in their dogma I don't agree with but their views on asceticism, virtue, and how they looked at the material world definitely resonate with me. Bluntly put: I look at all the beautiful sunsets and technology/biology wonders and all the other marvelous stuff we are surrounded with and think, "Jehovah is a bastard." There is an equal amount of loathing for Him as there is love for Pleroma in my heart. This duck which took to the gnostic waters so easily is still pissed off at the deity who caused all this chaos. That is really what the post-honeymoon depression is; irritation at the material world. Jehovah put together a lovely prison. It's hard for me to settle down. I keep beating on the bars, frustrated and angry at Him. (Early day gnostics are allowed to be little cry babies.Its evidence of rebirth. Wisdom drips into Angel, growing her daily)

Congrats on the breaking into the spanish youtube market! I think you've been doing very well so far in using current topics and key words in spreading your message of hope. You'll get there!! We've got to make all these connections we see visible to others. It is our mission to be outspoken and crass(at times).
Wimpy gnostics hide in the closet. ROFL- oh man! That would look great on a tee shirt!!! You said: "My greatest grief is for religious people surely the most deserving of gnosis, after investing so much of their life into religious devotions.Yet cruelly they are the hardest to reach, the most imprisoned, yet the most deserving it seems to me. Religions are a cruel hoax to me."

How true. My husband is, shall we say, on the cusp of ditching his dogma. But only because he has had so many spiritual moments which defy Christian teachings. I've done lay gnosis on him and while I didn't tell him exactly what I was doing he said afterward, "why are you playing with energy?" He understood what was going on but not why. I'm hoping to bring him over but he has his own barriers to break down first. Ten foot thick walls, really. My stepsons are a source of intense love but also of intense grief lately. They are 8 and 9. I feel an urge to tell them all about gnosticism but have only managed to open a few philosophical debates with them to get them thinking. Their mother is a God Fearing Christian and takes them during the summer so the poor dears come home all messed up in the head. Countering that takes willpower and patience. I'm doing my best without being pushy. There's only so much a young mind like that can handle. I really do believe that gnosis is for adults to comprehend AFTER they have been exposed to all the riff raff of the world. But that doesn't mean that children shouldn't be taught the value of free thinking. I not only endorse it in our home but it's become a family law. Change is constant and our lives are fluid. So is this world. I want those boys to be as flexible as possible so they can thrive; not be closed minded religious bigots. ( Angel is going to send her hubby some dreams to get his attention)

I'm still mulling over my (Fibromyalgia) video attempts. I hate the quality of the picture and lighting. The sound isn't too bad but.. there's always room for improvement there with my sad little camera. A swivel camera would be awesome. I have two digital cameras. One is horrible when it comes to syncing and the other is pretty good but puts a yellow hue on everything. Catch 22. I put a white light behind me and a little to the left and it seems to help a bit. Still getting used to seeing my face on screen, too. ugh. Disorienting, eh?
"Without your cross to bear you would likely be just another laid back sleepwalker." Steve, you are correct. Only when I had to learn how to ignore the pain in my body to escape it did I realize how much potential the spirit has. My meds still mess up my attempts to practice lay gnosis occasionally but it's not as bad as it was in the beginning. Artistically, though, I've shut down. I can't paint anymore. I don't find it satisfying at all. Meditation is where the fun is for me lately. I never in a million years would have thought I'd hear myself say that. lol Yours in gnosis, ~Angel Date: Fri, 22 Jan 2010 09:56:28 +1100 Subject: Depression ? No- From:
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This  note below was TBH answerring what Angel called "depression'- flatspots between  thrilling gnostic adventures.
          In the beginning of LG there is much elation and joy that amounts to almost overstimulation. In your case Angel we commented that you quickly took to it like a duck to water, seemingly not marvelling for long and even playfully complained about music and stuff. And yes you did seem to quickly become like an old married couple very quickly.We laughed about that. Following the early overstimulation of LG in the start up period, after the tremendous exhilarating novelty, the closest people come to alluding to depression is that there are flat spots where nothing much happens and they complain about a whole week without anything much going on and they ask me for the turbo button, the fast forward. Very much like Post Avatar depresssion. Ordinary life without God laughing and joking seems so grey. Yet its done for a reason. Its to emphasise that you have your own life to lead here in the physical. Its also part of the rebirth process rather like mummy leaving the baby alone for a while and closing the bedroom door.Baby has to learn to be content, alone. In my case I was given a job. Produce the automated website to connect people to God. It seems every new born gnostic is given a job. Clearly you know your job, Angel. Gladys is translating my videos into Spanish so we can get into South America. She has already produced a crackerjack LG video skillfully exploiting people's love of animals. In the site soon.

Of course there are still frustrations. I argue with source that if you can bring somebody in with pinpoint accuracy like Gladys from the Canaries why can't source bring in 500 people daily? And really make a difference. I think it's to make me work harder.I am producing dozens of keyword titled videos to people's favourite searches that will last for decades. Its raising the incoming people to a welcome trickle. The LG Avatar videos get high view rates. However its still frustrating as you say. I try so hard to wake people up and I fail so many times. My only solace is that they have a lifetime ahead of them to wake up.
I study pseudoskepticism in great depth trying to find a way into their poor suffering heads. Succeeded only once. Lost 1000 times. My greatest grief is for religious people surely the most deserving of gnosis, after investing so much of their life into religious devotions. Yet cruelly they are the hardest to reach, the most imprisoned, yet the most deserving it seems to me.Religions are a cruel hoax . It seems we all need some resistance to oppose us. Bones don't grow without gravity to push against.Nor do muscles. I redouble my efforts to get thru to people. Slowly getting there. Without your cross to bear you would likely be just another laid back sleepwalker. Some of our greatest luminaries have been chronically ill. Yet they write the best books. And post new ideas into our heads. I know how hard it is to make videos. To seem interesting for 10 minutes to hold a viewers attention is so difficult. I don't like my own face or voice, still. I use a camcorder with flip around screen which gives me instant playback/review. I never had any success with webcams. Always had lip sync problems once they go onto Youtube. Gotta go now Angel making breakfast Lovely hearing from you. Love Steve. Your E-mail and More On-the-Go. Get Windows Live Hotmail Free.
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This is how Angel began- Killeryoga on Youtube---- Feedback after a month

Re: Howdy friend from LAY GNOSIS !
Hey Steve! Thanks for asking.

I'm having the typical 'weird stuff' happening. Singing. Serenading, if you will. Rather annoying, until I asked it to please not keep me up at night. So then the dreams started. *sigh* It's been nerve wrecking to say the least. I feel bombarded some days. ( notice she is dialogueing with God very quickly, thinks nothing of it, even complains)

I swing between being severely agitated to disgustingly calm. Vulcan-like. Strange feeling. But loved. The big squishy kind of love, ya know? The agitation comes from the way fifty questions pop up just when I got one answered. It's just me being antsy, I think. Human impatience.

The interesting part I've discovered the past week is that when I falter for a few days and don't 'tune in' as often as I should(or can) I don't feel a radiating disappointment coming from Him. Quiet acceptance, instead. Patience. Then I get serenaded in the shower by a rock song I'd rather forget. *shakes head* Pleroma's got a great sense of humour.

Felt the urge to write. I started a blog:  (gnostic nudge)

Having problems getting the body pat to work. My hands are sensitive but my body is blocking for some reason. Another roadbump: my medication. Medication will stop me from being able to do my 'homework' at any time of the day when I feel up to it. I have to carefully time it for right when one of my three doses of meds is about to wear off. Advice? (YES Medications inhibit body field patting)

How goes you're journey?

~ Angel
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Angel in her early days